It seems I'm always horsing around

The last time I was on a horse, I’m sure I looked like an idiot.
I had gone out to the Deer Island Stables to do some research about horse camps that are instructed by local riders. Thinking I was just going out to talk horses, I thought nothing of making the trip out in slacks, dress shirt and dress shoes.
But, as instructor Kelley D’Agrosa said, “You can’t come to a stable and not get on a horse.”
So this time, I was dressed for the occasion, knowing full well I’d be learning how to ride.
What I didn’t know was that I’d have to think. A lot.
Kelley and fellow teacher Sierra Paxton, both Scappoose High alumnae, were teaching me and two ladies not only how to ride horses, but also how to handle them.
I started out with Royal, a horse I hadn’t met yet. He’s nice.
Roy and I made a few trips around the dusty arena, with me leading the mammoth creature by an 18-inch rope.
After a bit of leading, we all switched horses so we could get comfortable with them all. We got them to walk in circles around us, then trot around us. And we did it by holding a rope and clucking — in horsespeak, “cluck” means “go.”
I clucked more Saturday than any other day in my life.
But it wasn’t as easy as it sounds. To get the horse to go where I wanted it to go, and as fast as I wanted it to go, I had to fight my natural instinct to back away from the horse. Instead, I had to stand in one spot or, if anything, walk toward the horse to show that I was the dominant one… right.
One thing I learned during this exercise is that horses running circles around you in a dusty arena can make you want to brush your teeth a second time in the morning.
With our newfound skills and bonds with the horses, it was time to mount up and do a little bareback riding… with Sierra leading the horse.
I again started on Royal, who was described as a sofa because he’s pretty wide and comfy. I knew I wasn’t a real cowboy when I climbed a stepladder to mount.
Once Royal began walking around the arena, I struggled to balance myself using my hips instead of my shoulders. It wasn’t until Sierra advised me to close my eyes that I relaxed and balanced the right way.
Scary movies, airplane landings — these are times when it makes sense to close your eyes. Riding a horse? I wouldn’t have guessed it, but it was extremely beneficial.
After a while riding Roy, it was time to switch to Tucker. Tucker’s the horse that made me look like a fool in my city-boy attire. He’s narrower than Roy and has a longer stride, so riding him was quite a bit different.
At this point, I learned to figure out when a horse is stepping with his rear, right leg. Sounds simple enough, but it took a lot more brainpower than expected. The giveaway is this:
Say you’re sitting in an office chair that’s lifted as high as it goes, and you lower it — except only the rear, right quarter of the chair dips. That’s how you can tell when the horse is stepping with its leg, which is important to know when you’re a more advanced rider and are telling your horse what to do.
Next up was riding in the saddle. Because Kelley and Sierra want their students to get the whole experience of horse ownership, we first learned to saddle and bridle the horses — something I was finally able to master (sort of).
Leading them from the saddle was quite a challenge, though. Kelley and Sierra set up a little track for us to ride around, complete with barrels and cones for weaving in and out.
For a beginner, getting a horse to turn is hard. Apparently these creatures are much more sensitive than I ever would have imagined and can sense where their rider is looking.
So to initiate the turn, the rider must first look in that direction, then lead the reins with one hand to the side while keeping the other hand forward and applying pressure with the opposite calf.
If you’ve ever tried rubbing your belly and patting your head at the same time, you’ll understand how tough it is to coordinate one hand pulling one way and a foot applying pressure the other way. Let’s just say, I messed this up more than once.
I also don’t have the world’s greatest posture, which is not helpful when riding. I can guarantee Sierra was tired of saying, “Keep your hands forward” after she told me to do that for the 600th time. But somehow, they always kept creeping back…
In the end, I started gauging my posture a little better and coordinating myself a little more gracefully, though I expect I’ve still got a long way to go before my rodeo debut.
If you’d like to take the first steps toward excellence atop a horse, call Kelley at (503) 397-9029 or Sierra at (503) 913-3135. They’re better than me.